MICHAEL WOLFE

So, I spent about twenty-five years in the magazine publishing business. But the world changed.  And I remember the morning I sat and I looked - I was in a middle seat and I looked on both sides of me and I looked on the row ahead of me in the row diagonally to me.  And every single person on that train was either on a phone or a tablet. And I remember the moment - I sort of said to myself, Uh oh.

My name is Michael Wolfe. I live in Westport Connecticut with my wife, Karen and my very large goldendoodle, Chauncey. 

In August of this year, everything sort of came to a head. I hit this trifecta of personal change. I found myself turning 50 years old. Having my kids leave for college and suddenly have an empty nest. And I left my job. 

Aging. Empty nest. No job. In literally one fell swoop. 

I was excited about all these individual things.  Because think about it - all three of them have some pretty exciting things. 

You turn 50. That represents sort of a new phase in life. That's exciting. 

An empty nest. That's kind of exciting. Yeah, your kids leave, I know, I know.  But we were actually excited to recapture our essence as a married couple. 

And then look! Career transformation. Great. Great. Terrific. 

But then, there was a 48-hour period. It hit me. And I was like, Oh my God. Who am I?  Everything I was...Everything. Suddenly didn't exist. 

The cliché is that you can't get out of bed. And I know you sit there and you're moaning and you're watching daytime TV and there might be alcohol involved or at least greasy fast food or something like that.  It didn't take that form.  

I've always I've always been a writer. I've been a writer who didn't write, if that makes any sense.  And when I started to think about who I wanted to be, I started to say, You know even though you're an ad sales guy, you're a publisher whatever, you know, just write on the side and have some fun with it. 

So, I started to write personal essays and columns.  For a little while they were published in the Westport News. Just on a lark, you know, I sent them and they published them. Then I started to write for my own blog. And I have to say, the experience of writing these little personal essays and the reaction I would get from them - just from showing it to friends or posting it on Facebook or whatever, would be more satisfying than almost anything I did professionally. 

Which is both an insight, but also a little disappointing, right?  I mean we want - we want our works to give us that, that feeling. 

Some of the essays have been noticed in a larger literary community. I've been contacted by a literary agent to try to start thinking about publishing a book. Which is ironic because my website's name is TooLazyToWriteaBook.com. 

I'm working on a documentary film that has a tangential family connection to it but is about a big historical story involving sports and diplomatic relations and all this other stuff. So, that's taking a lot of my time but it's really exciting. 

I'll admit it. There have been moments where I've said, What kind of man are you? Why aren't you contributing anymore? Why are you making your wife work so you can pursue your folly? 

Yeah, and there are moments where I don't feel great about myself in that point. But then I flip it, and my wife Karen flips it too. She, you know, she has said, You did this for, you know, 25 years. You were the one bringing in the materials that allowed her to stay at home - she was working, too - with our kids. But it allowed her flexibility to make choices and changes that weren't directly involved with earning income. 

Maybe it's OK that I have my turn, too. Is it a trajectory and the path that we had set on 25 years ago? No.  

But is it a fair trajectory and one that could provide balance and happiness and joy? Sure. 

We all go through life stages, right? And I think, I've had three so far. These three blocks of time. I was a kid, you know, I was a young adult, and then I was a parent. And I think this fourth stage, this fourth block of time, could be something wildly different. 

And, who wouldn't be excited by that?