BEN ROLAND

Transformation, depending on the person, can mean a lot of different things. So, I think for me, and in my life experiences as a 17-year-old, it's been a lot about acceptance. It's been a lot about self-exploration. It's been a lot about confidence. 

So, for me, my transformation has been finding who I am, learning to accept it, and living as who I am regardless of the judgment I may or may not receive. 

My name is Ben Roland. I am a senior in high school at Staples High School in Westport.  Being a senior right now, I'm going through the college process. I'm the senior manager along with Tabby Burke for the paints crew. I'm also an actor so I'm there 2:30 to 6:00 every single day. I'm in a peer group. I'm in other clubs like Reshaping Reality where we promote body positivity in middle schools. I'm in a bunch of extracurriculars. 

I love to draw and I love to sing. I practically never stop singing. Sorry Mom and Dad! But I feel like the self-expression is super important.  When I get home, especially after a long day of school and homework, and now I'm doing applications and essays and everything, I feel like it's hard to find time to sit down and draw, or to sit down and learn a new song on the piano. But that's probably most important to me. And, of course, like every other teenager - sometimes I'm on Netflix, YouTube, scrolling around on the Internet. But getting back down and sitting down with a pencil and paper is super important to me. 

My favorite artwork that I've created is a huge pastel drawing I did.  It's a self-portrait - not to sound like self-absorbed or anything. It's a drawing of me basically chilling out on a cloud and I have the gorgeous blue sky behind me. It kind of looks like Katy Perry's Teenage Dreams album cover and I had a really fun time completing it. So, yeah, that's my favorite. 

I've had some typical anxiety and some depression since fifth grade...since elementary school. I was bullied a lot. I was called faggot. I was misgendered a lot - whether it was by accident or on purpose to make me feel bad about myself.  I have found that I've never really fit the average look of a Westport guy.  I've always had crazy hair - I've always not really cared. I've never really been into the sports, and I think some people are afraid of different. Some people don't want to confront different and I think people don't like change. And so, the fact that I'm not exactly like them scares them. 

But I've persevered and I focused on other things like my artwork and everything. And that's actually the first time that I performed as a soloist was at the 8th grade talent show.  I ended up singing At Last by Etta James. 

I remember hearing it when I was much younger, and then I think I heard it in a commercial on TV and I started singing along to it. My mom was like, You know that song? And I was like, Yeah, I don't know where but it's like stuck in my head. And so then of course, I started listening to it and I fell in love with it. It's still one of my favorite songs ever. And, of course, it has a special place in my heart because it was my first performance. 

[Ben sings At Last]. 

So, I was like the big finale performer. And it took a lot of guts for me. I never really came out of my shell that much. Up until that point. I was having a lot of anxiety about going up:  What people would think?  But I was met with a lot of love from my classmates and - I still, every now and then - will listen to the video and all I hear is screaming. Everyone's going, Go Ben!  And then also all the feedback I got through social media...the next Monday at school having people come up to me, Oh my God, Ben! You were so good at the talent show!  Like, You're so good!  

And it was just all this overwhelming support digitally and face to face. That was really reassuring.  So, it was an awesome experience and I feel like that was a pretty big turning point for me personally - coming out of my shell, sort of being reassured that it's okay to be who I am. 

A word that I live by is fearless. I think that it's a pretty universal word. Whether it is going out for the role that no one expects you to play.  Submitting a piece of artwork into the show that you thought you'd never get into.  Going out for that varsity sports team that all the odds are stacked up against you. 

But I think going out, being you are, going against all of the odds, no matter what everyone else says, and trying your hardest, putting your best foot forward, for everything in life is the most important thing you can do for yourself.