JERRI GRAHAM 

My life in the past 12 years has been totally different than what I expected. 

My name is Jerri Graham and I am 47 years old. I live in Westport, Connecticut. I grew up in Columbus, Ohio - I'm one of five kids - and I moved out and away as soon as I could. I moved to France and then I joined the military, and then after the military moved to Taiwan, and then after Taiwan I moved to Connecticut. I got to Taiwan via the Internet. I met some guy who was on a dating website and fell in love and we decided to stay there because he was teaching there. 

I got a job then I also decided, Oh! Let's have a family!  I don't really know you that well but I'm 28, 29. It's time! (laughs). So, I decided that I wanted to be a mother at that time and so got married. 

Well, not in that order. 

Got pregnant.  Then got married at the urging of my father who - God bless him - he had Alzheimer's at the time, and I'm thinking - Oh my gosh - the early parts of it - I'm thinking, he would not have known had I just like said I was gonna get married. Which was my plan but I didn't. 

So, I got married, and we stayed there for six, seven, no, seven years. I was a writer, editor, and actually I had a radio show and a podcast, back in the early days of podcast, that was played in mainland China. And I had a fan club. We had like a listenership of like 3 million people. 

And so, I'm like Oh, I'm hot shit in some province somewhere! (laughs) 

A couple of times like we’d go to the mall with my daughter when she was like a little kid and people would stop and want photos with me from television shows and it's like I was big at one time . . . for like a hot second, like not like David Hasselhoff big but like big enough. 

My father passed away - in 2006 Is when he died.  And that was when you start rethinking your life. And she knew I was just having a horrible time in my marriage - where, you know, we had religious differences because you know I'm a Christian and he's Satan. And so, it just wasn't gonna work out. 

That was a bad joke. 

It was time to leave, the marriage was crappy, and my friend just said, Hey, you know what? Why don't you come here? It's close to the city. We have great schools in Westport and you can stay with me for a couple of months, you know until you get on your feet. 

And that's what I did. 

I think in like 2008, I got poison ivy. This is my long story…and this is it.  And they gave me this prednisone and it gave me like insomnia and I woke up one morning at like 3:00 o'clock in the morning just completely wired. 

I'm like, I'm gonna start this muffin company. 

And then I realized that muffins didn't have a shelf life.  And I started making granola bars. Then my granola bars started to get some traction. Then I started my company I called it “Nothin' But” and “Nothin' But bars,” and then I got a business partner, and we ended up growing this company.  We got all the way up to like three and a half million dollars in sales. We were in Costco, Whole Foods. I'm no longer involved in the company on the day to day because I was laid off from the company that purchased our company after a year and a half. 

It's like having this baby, and then, you give your baby up to somebody else, and now they're caring for it in a way that you can't say anything about it, and you're not a part of it. It's just...it's weird. It's weird…because…I don't know.  But it's done.  It's done. And it's long done so I'm not too... But everyone's once what it's like a little...mmmm.

So, that's why I've gone back to doing what I love.  Because. One: I never want anyone to ever lay me off.  Two: I love photography. I love you know like getting those moments in time and they're forever like captured - you can't do that with a painting. You can do that with like a moving camera and a moving image. But like there's something temporary but permanent. 

I have my daughter and it's like my cave drawing. Because it's how I like chiseled on the wall that I was here. And that's how I also can give back to other people so that they can show it's like, I was here. So, it's my gift and it's also what feels right. 

I love photographing kids because, when they see themselves displayed around their homes, they grow up feeling different about themselves. At least, I feel that way and I know that my daughter, I think she has a healthy sense of vanity because she's always seen herself either, you know, I take a lot of photos of her and I also display photos of her around the house growing up. So, she feels like, Oh, I'm seen. 

Here she is, she's about to go on to the next part of her life. She decided a few years ago that - not a few years ago, a year ago - she's like, I'm not ready. I don't know what I want to study. This isn't the right time. I don't want to go into debt. You're my only parent. We can't do this. 

So, you know I've met with resistance. Like I had a friend who was just, she was like, We'll help you fill out the application. Have you filled out the this and this? 

And I'm thinking to myself, I'm a grown ass woman. And it was this long and almost like hour long conversation. Why is she so upset? It's because, when you live in certain populations, people have a one size fits all idea of what a future should look like.  She's 18. She's an only child. And there's not like this finish line that she has to get to by a certain time based upon somebody else's idea of what she should have and do. 

It's more like, This is our ride. You enjoy it. You try to do as best as you can. Try to do as little harm as you can. Try to make a difference as much as you can.  

But it's like. . . there is this Don Draper quote, you know. What is it? It's like, the universe is indifferent. There is no grand plan. It's like it is what it is and it's okay.